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Day sucks.

Rant up ahead. Read at your own risk. May sound whiny and cause irritation of writer.

Some of you are not bothered, but some of you may ask why. Some of you may ask why I decided to write about it since it has never come out into the open. For those who were in the conversation: "One-dimensional"

Those words hurt. I may not look like it, but they cut pretty deep. And even though it was only a game, I couldn't help thinking about myself. Is this how I portray myself to others? One-dimensional?

Am I that airheaded? Do I need to explain myself everytime?

I feel that sometimes we do need to explain ourselves better because of our current society. A morally right person might be wrong in the name of the law, but will regardless be detained because he broke the governing rules.

Whatever happened to trust? I guess that's a utopian concept.

Yes, this is a rant, so I will drag it out like many other angsty articles. And I will probably put in useless sentences like this to make it more dramatic. Or not. And they will be disjointed.

Back to the story, I usually don't tell the downs in my real life. Really. I don't think it's a good idea. I'll give a hint, and then stop at that. If it involves someone else apart from me, I'll usually drop the matter completely. Writing about it decreases the amount of internal pressure I keep. But I can't tell the full story because I'm afraid of hurting another person's feelings.

I guess as much as I am an extrovert most of the times, I do keep some things to myself. It's difficult sometimes, but I don't want to burden anybody with any of *my* emotional baggage. I don't even know if I have any, but this is my nature. This is how I am. It is ok to carry other people's dread and fears, but I don't want mine to be carried by anybody except for myself. This is my burden. And it is mine alone.

*Sigh*

I watched Bowling For Columbine last night. It made me think again. Society is screwed up. If I was perfectly insane, I would have thought: "Why are we doing this to each other? The human race is stupid. We should wipe ourselves out and then let the world survive", but that would be denying the new generation from coming into existence. It's a lose-lose situation.

Bah. Been talking too much. Should do a less serious rant next time.

muds~

Listening to the same old boring stuff

Didn't notice that I posted a double post :/

Harry Potter spoiler. But I think you should have expected it.

Anyway, what am I up to?

I wonder...

This coming week, I will probably have to work through Depavali, the weekend and Raya. Yes, it's the second consecutive year in a row, where I have to work during the holiday season. I had to work during Depavali, Raya, and Christmas last year; while working through New Year, CNY, Depavali, and Raya this year. Go me. Hahahahaha.

Meanwhile, until next week's hectic schedule, I have lots of free time :)

I will be running an RPG campaign using a simple system I thought up that uses things similar to GURPS, Rifts and DnD. But, the game places roleplaying as a very very important skill. You can't just say "I'll try to bluff the guard" and expect to get through. A player will have to actually try to convince me (Take that D20 system!). Of course, skills are still important, but you can only refine it by using it enough times. I mean, how can a person be better at swimming if the only thing he does is sitting at a desk looking at computer components?

Here are the stats available for those interested:

i. Strength - Physical strength. How strong your biceps, triceps and other things similar. Used to carry items, push doors, climbing ropes, etc.
ii. Agility - Reflexes and nimbleness. Explains how good you are with delicate tools, or how quick your reflexes are.
iii. Endurance - This is your fatigue meter. Once it reaches a certain level, you will begin to feel tired and weak. Not sleeping will also reduce your endurance. It can be refilled by resting or taking certain drugs (though it might have some other side effects)
iv. Perception - How sharp your eyes and concentration are. It depends, you can focus on something and not lose concentration, or you might be able to detect that small clue that nobody else seems to find.
v. Movement - Crawling, running and walking speed.
I think there's one more stat, but I can't remember ;P

Back to the topic. Other things I have done include reading up on blogs. Lots and lots of it. And lurking in the GL Forums again.

I should go do some work, but there's none really. Bah.

I had a 7 player Dawn of War session last night. I was utter crap at the game. Hahahahaha. It was a 3 on 4 (I was placed in the group with the more experienced players for a total of 3 players). Didn't contribute much except for bits here and there. But I didn't make the team lose, so that's a good thing :)

Warhammer40K games. Warmachine games. WWE Raw Deal. RPG. General stuff. Hm... lots of things to do.

*Sigh*

Sahur was rice, chicken kurma, some other thing and sambal belacan. I'm gonna break fast with my office mates later on. Thai food. Why? Cause it's to celebrate the Technical Director's birthday!

Not bothered to listen to the environment

I really wanted to write about something today, but I won't. The subject still remains in my head.

Sahur was rice. And some stuff.

Not bothered to listen to the environment

I really wanted to write about something today, but I won't. The subject still remains in my head.

Sahur was rice. And some stuff.

Listening to the fan whirring above my head

I played my first 4th ed Warhammer40K game today against Shaz's Black Templar. I played my rusting Necrons. Hahahaha.

I admit I was lucky. I asked for a huge advantage over Shaz. If things were played by how it was to be, I'll probably will never be able to win, but instead will end up losing because I will never be able to even reach the objective within the set time limit :/

I noticed how nasty no screeening can be (my Necron lord was the first target of very large lascannons in the beginning.), but luck was on my side as he failed to cause a wound. Vindicator cannon deviated off its mark by 9 inches into some bushes on the third round. Me, knocking out his Vindicator on my round after that. Veil of Darkness rocks hard. Knocked out his squad bit by bit with the ever vigilant gauss rifles. Then he swung his assault marines into my squad. Lost the battle. Lost morale. Unit got wiped out. He made a sweeping advance into another squad, but I made shots back at him before the charge happens and wiped out his assault marines. Thank goodness for rapid firing stuff.

In the end, I won because my unit took hold of the objective. Not bad a win, but I think a rematch is in order since I was asking for some leniency.

Now I'll just hop over to my bed and catch some sleep. Ciaoz.

Dinner was rice with fried chicken, curry and some vege. That and warm barley. I puked it out about 2 hours later. I don't know why...

Listening to Eternal Flame - My bro and his friends @_@

I'm smirking as I'm writing this and listening to the song. Heh. :P

Hehe... I forgot to mention what I got from my friends who visited the US recently. It was definitely a pleasant surprise. Megatokyo book 1 and 2, both books signed by Fred Gallagher and Sarah Gallagher. Book's great. Love the humor. Call me a fanboi, lolz.

Anyway, I'm back into the wrestling business. Card game that is. Also, my urge to play Warhammer 40K has been slowly increasing with the recent games that I've been watching. Hmmm... that and the fact that Dawn of War has been the new multiplayer game that is rocking the Cybercafe that I frequent. Hm.... multiplayer. Kill da 'umies!!!

Fasting month isn't too bad at the current moment. apart from the fatigue yesterday, I feel much better today. Probably should get some rest, but I'll stay up just a little bit longer :)

Got more minis for myself, mainly a group of 3 Karskins and a Karskin Sergeant. Yeah, more men on the table :P

Looks like my bittorent client just crashed, so I'll have to continue downloading some stuff. Mainly scanlations.

Song just switched over to Dido... *sigh*

I think work is beginning to catch up again... so I might disappear from the online world soon. Of course, this means I must squeeze some time for Amateur Cheese for MAAO. I think the deadline's soon. Oh crap ~_~;;;;;

Dinner was Prawn noodle with soya cincau.

Listening to... zzzzzzZZzzz

Weekend was pretty busy. Even if you don't want to read it, I'll post it anyway. Hahaha.

Friday night: Broke fast with my family. Then went out Amcorp to have fun. Tested the brand new Al Snow heat deck. Watched people played multiplayer Dawn of War. A pseudo-war broke out between some of the players. Can feel the tension building. Didn't sleep until 5 after having Sahur.
Saturday morning: Woke up at 10:15am. Got ready. Went off to work. Stayed at work till 6pm. Went to Amcorp again, mainly to continue testing the Al Snow deck. Testing here, testing there. The gameplan was good. Then played DnD with the usual folks. Didn't participate much. Couldn't multi task between DnD, Raw Deal and sleep. Session finished at 2am, Had Sahur at 3 with the guys. Went to sleep at 4am.
Sunday morning: Reach site for work at 9:30 am. Did some work. Left at 11:30am. Went for the Raw Deal Tourney at BSC. I didn't finish in the top 4 because of technicality, i.e. I fought against weaker players :( Bah. So, after that I went to Amcorp, even though I was tired. Went back home at 6, went online for a short while, and then broke fast. Slept at 8:30 pm.

Boring, eh?

Right now I've just finished defragmenting my computer. I have 2 computers at my place right now. Heh. This has been going around for about a week. :)

Having 3 cpus, 2 lcd screens rocks. But it gets confusing sometimes.

Sahur was Rice, brinjal, cencalok, and black pepper beef.

Listening to Track 15 - Dido (No Angel)

Fairly amusing day.

Considering the hectic impromptu schedule I was dumped with today, I must say it went pretty well.

Soon, it'll be puasa month. 30 days of abstinence (hopefully). That means no making lewd jokes. No looking at women. Well, looking at women in general is ok, but you can't look look. Fasting. Holding off lust. That means no pr0n or even suggestive materials. Not getting angry. No procrastination... No over eating. No feeling of pride and envy. And be generous.

Forgot one more thing: since I won't be able to drink water, that means no shouting, screaming, screeching or over extending my voice. Bah.

30 days. I've done it before. I can do it again. *sigh*

It'll be a long 30 days though.

Dinner was Nasi Kandar with rasam and teh o ais.

Listening to Thank You - Dido (No Angel)

I slept at 1 am last morning. I woke up at 10:28am last morning. Good thing I had to be at work at 11:00 am. And so, I woke up, bathed, dressed up (in a t-shirt and my Everton jersey) and drove to Cyberjaya. Managed to arrive just 10 minutes late, which didn't matter due to the fact that my work could only start a bit later. Heh. I think I had the most sleep yesterday compared to any one weekday in the previous 2 months. Even longer than some weekends!

Managed to catch Face, a Korean Horror movie. Interesting movie. And I didn't even catch most important plot twist. (Invisible text - highlight to read, you know you want to ;P) Bah. I would put it at 7.5/10.

Finally remade a deck for WWE Raw Deal early yesterday morning. It's not the best... but I think it'll do fine :)

Home computer died over the weekend it seems (not around enough so I didn't know ;P) Have to send it for repairs. Could be that my sound card is a Sound Blaster 32 Live! and being 7 to 8 years old now, it decided to retire. Bah.

Should catch some sleep right now, but can't. Maybe it's the extra sleep. Maybe it's the movie. Maybe something else that I can't think of. Bah.

Dinner was char kuey teow and soya cincau. The char kuey teow was expensive T_T

Listening to Evil sounds from the underground, i.e. just some random sound in the background

****************************************************************

The year is 1963. The United Aryan Nations has always had problems with the European Liberation Army and the African Independence Movement. While there are many more insurgence groups, these two terror groups are by far the largest and most organized of them all. The two groups were founded by the two friends who met in Oxford University while studying Economics. Stanley William is the leader of the European Liberation Army, while Michael Blatti is the head of the African Independence Movement. Both of these groups have fought against the oppressive and unfair regime of the UAN.

Stanley Williams is believed to receive his funding from the CUC, but the UAN has naever been able to establish a real connection between the two. The United Aryan Nations are hard pressed to find the man behind the attacks in Europe, but clearly were unable to fight off the ELA's strong presence and backing. Williams' group is known for winning small skirmishes of UAN patrols, but are unable to really fight the nations' critical strong points.

Blatti, trapped in a desolated area of unrefined resources, did not have the luxury of a strong financial backing from the CUC. In 1961, Blatti was believed to be killed in a trench war with the United Aryan Nations. His successor, Yergez Bladisk, a Checnyan, continued to lead the small group. Forever doubtful of spies, he only speaks to one person, Katajima Honseki, one of the few Japanese that survived the CUC decimation of the Japanese. Not much is known of Honseki, and even little less of Bladisk. The African Independence Movement key strategies is to hit the Panzer supply depots while they are being resupplied.

End of Level 3 Critical Threat to the United Aryan Nation files

****************************************************************

Listening to some officemates talking about stuff in Cantonese

Weekend was tiring. But it was goooooooooooooooooooood. Like I had expected. Somebody returned from the US after her holiday trip :)

Pleased to know that my DnD character hasn't been culled by the GM, so I can still continue playing :)

Watched Sky Captain and The World of Tomorrow on Saturday night. Ultra retro-ness. It felt so... old. The comedy, presentation, camera and angles were nicely done, and felt that it really came from the 60s. Hahahahahaha... I'm giving it two thumbs up. The "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" ending song was perfect. Loved the movie.

Now, to catch up on work...

Breakfast was Nasi Lemak with Milo Ais.

Listening to Leaving on A Jet Plane - John Denver

Can't sleep, so I played Dawn of War. I think I'm at mission 10 now. From what I've heard there's only 11 missions. After this is to gain the proper skill to play the game. Wheeeeee. Maybe.

Now it's 22 hours before the weekend. Heh. Work should be a breeze tomorrow. Hopefully ;) At least I will make it so. Should go to sleep now, but I'm rather excited and anxious. Hahaha. Can't wait for the weekend. Sheesh.

Which brings me to this: I managed to borrow a shitload of GURPS source books. There's so many. @_@ Have to read them as I go along... Yes... It's that time again! Ahmad tries to GM!!! I think I should keep the group small. Maybe 7 at most. Even then, they say it's far too large. We'll manage I think. Heahhehhhahheheh...

*****************************************************

The Year is 1963. Hitler decided to advance his push on Britain, rather than turning around against his Russian allies. The world's history changed. The German-Italian front won the Second World War. Rommel's push into African territory had proved to be of great strategic value. With resources from Africa uninterrupted, the Allies were utterly crushed. The formation of the African continent, without Egypt, and Europe made up the United Aryan Nation. A majority of Native Africans are used as slaves in labour.

The current Fuhrer is Adolf Tomas, the son of Hitler.

The United States of America never attempted to block the Japanese Pacific Fleet as the country suffered from fascist insurgence. In fact, before the rebellion started, fascist movement in politics proved strong with a backing from Europe.

America was liberated, but with a hatred nation against non whites. Bloodbaths of ethnic origin became commonplace. Not being able to win at a war of attrition, the non whites moved south towards Latin America. While North America claims that both continents were part of the Liberated States of America, the southern part had never accepted it and continously fought using jungle warfare.

The capital of the Liberated States of America is at Dallas, Texas.

Japan's dictatorship however did not achieve great heights like its European cousins. China, Russia and the Indian subcontinent created the Communist Union Countries or CUC. Russia and India moved their military might against the invading Japanese and wiped out the country in a 3 year war of attrition. The Germans and Italians never came to help, as a treaty signed between the two fronts in 1943 put the Japanese into the CUC's hands. The Japanese country and people were crushed in 1949, and it is known that less than 2 million survivors are still alive, most of them in Latin America. The CUC is still cracking down on these people.

The political administration of the CUC is at Calcutta, India, while the military administration is in Stalingrad. The two biggest Naval bases are in Shanghai and Kyoto.

However, before the CUC could prevent the Japanese, they had conquered South East Asia. In order to win the hearts of the people in the region, the CUC provided the guerilla fighters with weapons and supplies. The South East Asian countries did fight, but in the end, they were defeated. However upon the destruction of the Japanese Empire, the CUC provided independence to these countries, and in accordance to the 1952 Bangkok Pact, the Free Oceania League which also includes Australia, are only allowed to trade with the CUC. In 1956 however, the trade allowances were expanded to other nations, but the CUC still gets the lowest interest rates.

The capital of the Free Oceania League is at Yogjakarta. However, each country remains sovereign when compared to the other groups.

Egypt, and the Arabic Nations remained neutral as war escalated around their countries, mainly Africa and Asia, as India went a brutal socialist revolution. They merged into a single entity, simply called themselves Syurga, which means Heaven in Arabic Sanskrit. They maintained a closed border regime. The United Aryan Nations were only interested in the oil there, but it was unneccessary, until a mobilization is required again. The CUC were not interested as their fuel comes from Siberia, Ukraine, and the Free Oceania League. Syurga remains neutral in all conflicts, but recently there has been rumors that they are also mobilizing an army.

News has it that Syurga recently appointed a Mullah to lead the faith and nation. The name is still not known to the rest of the world.

Greenland and the Artic proved to be no-man's land, but the remaining European citizen who had fled during the war managed to settle there. Fortunately, the country in not inhabitable, only harsh, and the people adapted. Most of the people here are of Jewish descendant.

*****************************************************

Hahaha. A preview of the world I'm creating. A sneak peek to say... Enjoy :D

Didn't eat any supper. Perut tengah sakit -_-

Listening to Beautiful - Christina Aguilera

Yesterday was not too bad. The futsal session was very good. The company was sponsoring it :) Never knew taht doing a flying kick above a person's head is a foul. Ok... Didn't know that the futsal turf is made of very artificial linoleum. Found out the wrong way when I did a sliding tackle *_* Ow... Abrasion marks are still there. More so, even with my cycling sessions, I almost died at the end of futsal, and I only played for 20-30 minutes (I arrived late, really!). Of course just having dinner prior to that and having no warm up session adds up. Suffered stomach cramps through the last 5 minutes of it. I let 3 goals through as a goalkeeper (Don't like being a futsal keeper T_T), but redeemed myself by being a staunch defender. Can't play wing (because there's none) and my shooting skills (whatever I had anyway) have deteriorated. Plus my stamina's drained very easily.

Okay enough futsal :P

It seems like Dawn of War is picking up nicely. Heh. Spread the Warhammer 40000 love! And it seems like I love Blood Bowl. W00t. It's so... goooooood. Heh. Playing a wood elves team. They're fragile and speedy. So tempted to start making models...

Right now, I just can't wait for the weekend. Just can't. Slightly more than 24 hours to go!!! w0000000000000000000000t.

You know what?

The world's full of so many things to feel sad about. Yet at the same time, there's so many things to feel happy about. Live life! Enjoy it! Do your best to make the sad parts of it happy. And then everyone will feel happy too :D

Dinner was Dried Beef Noodles and soya cincau. What's "cincau" in English? Grass jelly I think...

Listening to more printing action

WWE Raw last night was quite interesting, needless to say. Taboo Tuesday looks like an interesting affair, at least on the RAW brand, compared to Smackdown.

Anyway, today should be an interesting day. I think.

Skipped breakfast (I woke up late).

Listening to my computer's power supply fan whirring

Interesting weekend this was.

Friday: Left Cyberjaya site at 8/9 pm. Arrived at Amcorp for some refreshment.
Saturday: Bought myself my Cadian Command HQ. Yummy. Played D&D with friends. Let's just say the ingame characters, are not exactly normal. ;P Played my first game of Blood Bowl!!!!!
Sunday: Cycled in Hulu Langat in the morning. In the evening, it was PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARTY!!!! Played Blood Bowl game #2 too. Seriously, it was a good event. Met up with some of the old regulars who don't come to the shop so often anymore. Lots of food, games, and stuff. We ended the day with an all out 8 player Warhammer 40K: Dawn of War battle royale. Let's say that it was pretty long. BTW, I'm still crappy at it. Need to study at how things are done, i.e. build orders, strategic deployments and micro management. And because of that, I played a bit of the W40K:Dawn of War single player campaign prior to this post.

*Sigh*

I think that reflecting back on it makes me depressed.

Some might know why, many might not. Those who know, keep your peace. Those who don't, just don't ask.

When you sit all alone by yourself, you tend to think a bit more about yourself, and others around you. Or at least I do. And you think about things you don't usually think about. You worry unneedlessly. You grasp at water going through your fingers. It's all in vain.

*Sigh*

Should try sleep off this bout of depression.

Dinner was very good. Too much to write this time around since it was potluck :)

Listening to Sephia - Sheila on 7

Feeling a bit poetic today. Not a rhyme, but just as good. Something simple.

Sometimes you feel happy.
Sometimes you feel sad.
But sometimes you feel both happy and sad at the same time.
Sometimes you feel like screaming at the top of your lungs.
Sometimes you feel like keeping quiet.
Sometimes you feel like lashing out.
Sometimes you feel like crying.
Sometimes you feel like smiling.
Then sometimes you feel like breaking into laughter.
Sometimes you feel like talking about something serious.
Sometimes you feel like talking about something silly.
Sometimes you feel like being silly.
And at other times you feel like being dead serious.
Sometimes you feel angry.
Sometimes you feel wronged.
Sometimes you feel guilty.
Sometimes you feel like everything doesn't matter anymore.
Sometimes you feel like everything feels just right.
Sometimes you feel like you don't know what to feel.
Sometimes you feel lost.
Sometimes you feel tired.
Sometimes you feel uppity.
Sometimes you feel scared.
Sometimes you feel scared of the future.
Sometimes you feel scared of the past.
Sometimes you feel scared of the present.
Sometimes you feel scared of being scared.
Sometimes you feel scared of not being scared.
Sometimes you feel courageous.
Sometimes you feel thrilled.
Sometimes you feel jealous.
Sometimes you feel envious.
Sometimes you feel pride.
Sometimes you feel greedy.
Sometimes you feel lazy.
Sometimes you feel lust.
Sometimes you feel glutonny.
Sometimes you feel sleepy.
Sometimes you feel awake.
Sometimes you feel like being alive.
Sometimes you feel like maybe you are better off dead.
Sometimes you feel like continuing.
Sometimes you feel like stopping.
Sometimes you feel nostalgic.
Sometimes you feel everything important is so far away even though they are so close.
Sometimes you feel everything important is so close even though they are so far away.
Sometimes you feel everything important is so far away when they are so far away.
And sometimes you feel like nothing can make you feel better, and then something comes up and it does make you feel better.

Needed to get that off my chest.